2. I am a partner.

As I drove home today doing my best thinking, I was listening to a podcast where a woman was describing her marriage as a partnership.  It got me thinking about our marriage and our earlier years.

My sister, one time before I was married, stated that she thought I would marry someone older than me because they would have to be very patient.  When I first met Rog, “love at first sight” was really not a description.  I met Roger in 1992, when I started teaching Special Education. Each morning, this guy with big blue eyes would come into my classroom, talk to me about my day, and help me solve any “new teacher” issues.  Typically, he was wearing Dockers, a polo, and had a large cup of coffee in hand. I thought that he was a great “older brother” mentor.   Roger was like me, with degrees in both Elementary and Special Education.  He enjoyed being with kids, but was more “old school” than me in his teaching style.  He also was really close to his family and often talked about them.

When we finally started dating (always say “yes” the first time someone asks you out) and eventually got married, two things were important to us.  One, we were a partnership and two, divorce was not going to be an option.  This second one comes into play later.  Roger was calming and steady to my more emotional personality. He’s more outgoing and friendly.  In our home, Roger and I shared tasks, and to be honest, in our younger years, he really was a workhorse. He spoiled the kids and I with a clean house, good dinners, and many other little things like a nice yard, plowed driveway, etc.   Roger’s love language definitely is doing “acts of service”.  

One time, when our kids were little, I stated to Roger that my brother in law was a part of all these different committees, boards, and organizations. I suggested that we might want to get more involved. Roger looked at me and incredulously noted that he was coaching high school basketball, volunteering and coaching for little league, little kid football, and refereed little kid sports all the time.  He felt that he was doing enough.

Our partnership allowed us to pursue things we enjoy, spend time with friends, and spend time with our family and share in their interests. Because we lived far away from all our family, we needed to rely on each other. It made us pretty unified during hard and stressful times, but the changes of late have really tested this partnership.  Roles have become reversed. I need to be more steady, patient and pick up the load.  He deserves be emotional, frustrated, and temperamental with the changes taking place.  And while extremely frustrated with the lack of answers, both of us need to continue to do acts of service, for ourselves and for each other.