19. I am worthy.

Religion should be easy to talk about, right? For me, it’s about as easy to talk about as your feelings or a doctor's private female exam.  A few weeks ago I shared that over Christmas Roger brought up that he and God are having some issues. I was kind of surprised when he said this, as it was the first time he mentioned it and honestly, it stopped me in my tracks. He stated that he has some problems right now with God. Can you say that out loud? Won’t something bad happen? He feels frustrated, angry, and bewildered by everything that has been happening.  There has been a lot of questioning of God from both of us.  I do a lot of thinking and talking during my commute. Why us? Why now?

Recently in church, our very awesome music team was singing the song “Who Else” by Abbie Gamboa. After the worship service the song stuck with me during the week. I kept wondering if we were somehow not worthy.  Maybe we aren’t faithful enough, worthy enough, good enough, or simply “enough”.

This week in church our pastoral team was preaching on the subject of communion. The pastor was sharing that his wedding ring is a symbol of his love for his wife during both good times and bad.  The pastor stated that communion is a gift from God and just like the wedding ring is a symbol of the love between a husband and a wife, communion is a symbol of God’s love and commitment to us. That commitment is during all times, good and bad. Remember I stated previously I feel like the door has been hitting me in the face?  The Pastor went on to talk about during difficult times, God is committed to us and we are “worthy” to be invited to his table for communion. Maybe what I’m thinking is feeling like a door to the face, really is just a bump in the road, and instead of feeling like I’m getting hit with some big “feels” lately, I should be thinking of the gifts that remain. While one of my kids might be going through some really tough things lately that make my heart hurt, she makes my heart smile and me belly laugh.  While Roger might doubt God, I don’t doubt Roger's love for me. While I may dislike my commute in the winter, I have a tribe of people with big hearts that check on me. While I have a “spirited” class this year, they make me laugh and make me seek new ways to teach.  While I don’t know if I’m “enough”, I do know that I have enough in the people that surround me.

You are the infinite God of the ages

Yet You chose to make my heart Your dwelling place

You healed my brokenness, showed me Your glory

So I have songs of thanks not even angels sing

Who else is worthy?  Who else is worthy?

There is no one, only You, Jesus.

Who else is worthy?  Who else is worthy?

There is no one, only You, Jesus.    Lyrics by Abbie Gamboa